Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
