I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
