I CAN MOONWALK!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
