I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
