I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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