my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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