i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
