Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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