You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
