WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize