all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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