I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
