I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
