it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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