we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
