I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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