It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
