you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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