D3 body, D1 cock
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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