My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
