meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
