I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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