How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
