I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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