Its about making memories worth repressing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
