I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
