he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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