Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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