oh god the rape fog is back!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
