Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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