I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
