apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
