i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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