Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
