Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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