get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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