Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
