i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
