he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
