I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
