I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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