sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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