K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
