She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
