when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
