i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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