He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
