never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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