pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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