i think i have two assholes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
