guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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