lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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