I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
