You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I would fuck him just for his dog
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
