i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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