38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
