I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
