Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
