I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We left the knife in your bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
