all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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