Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
