this beer tastes like vomit already
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
