My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
