I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize