from now on my penis is your penis
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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