Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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