So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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