Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
