Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
