Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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