I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
