ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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