so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
